Volcel gang manifesto

So, I said I’d talk in more detail about online dating. I’ve been told, a few times, that I’ve never actually made any effort to get a girlfriend/ lose my virginity. Mostly by “helpful” normalfags online but also once in person. A lot of the time online it isn’t specifically aimed at me, because I rarely ever moan or whine about not having those things anymore for reasons I kind of talked about in the last entry. Rather it’s aimed at “robots” or “incels” and similar kinds of people in general, who I do associate with. There was one specific post I read, unfortunately it was a while ago now so I don’t have a screenshot and I have no idea what thread it was so I wouldn’t be able to find it in the archives. The guy had made this thread, one of those ones you see fairly regularly or at least used to, saying he was the one who had the right advice that would help us out of the situation we’re in. It’s the kind of thread, the kind of person, who the whole bee urself meme was originally made to mock. Anyway, of course people reacted accordingly and insulted/ berated him and were just making jokes about the whole thing and I was going to give up on it and find something else to entertain myself with but then an actually rather interesting exchange happened.

At some point someone made what I think was quite an insightful comment, he said that this advice never worked before with incel/ robot types not necessarily because it was bad advice generally speaking. Clearly it worked for some people after all, but it assumes things that are true about the person giving advice are true about everyone. Now I’ll try and explain what he meant, or my interpretation of what he meant anyway, using the most well known of these little nuggets of normie wisdom “Just be yourself”. What they really mean by this is, stop being so inhibited (as if it’s so fucking easy) around other people, especially those you don’t know very well. Which there’s some truth to, it seems like when you’re shy or awkward people sense that you’re hiding something. Which I suppose in a way you are, you’re not being yourself dare I say and people can sense how contrived everything you do is.

The problem again, is that it’s not something you can just turn on or off. I can’t just act how I do around my close friends or on my own when I’m around other people it’s physically impossible for me. At least for the moment, although it’s starting to feel less and less possible that there’s much I can do to change that even in future. More importantly though is that underlying assumption that if you are somehow able to get over that, you’ll just be accepted and liked for who you are. There’s no reason that someone wouldn’t still be ostracised for their political beliefs, their social attitudes, etc. Given the tendency of people like me to gravitate to extreme ideas I’d say it’s actually fairly likely. The important thing to remember here is the assumption, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s not just this one example either, all the usual advice these kind of people share has it’s own because of course it’s all sold as universally applicable, which really means it applies to no one.

If you want to find out what it is specifically they are assuming is universally true, it’s the thing that actually makes these hot tips and tricks they have work. So of course in the example I chose it’s actually being likeable and not frightening to normalfags with your weird views on things. You might think I’m being unfair, that of course no one really thinks that everyone is a boring normal faggot like them. After all, they are aware that extreme beliefs exist so naturally people also exist to hold them. Fair point, they would agree with that if pointed out probably, but I think on a day to day basis they underestimate the amount of people who they would consider weird and feel uncomfortable around hugely. I could be completely wrong, but I genuinely believe they think of such people as a tiny fringe group. Of course this specific “be yourself” (and of course all similar statements) line is given by a particular type. I guess they’re what people might call a turbonormie, at least that’s one term I’ve heard used for them. This is most people, who just engage with the world in a very superficial way. People who talk about the weather and wear fast fashion. Yes that’s kind of a strawman or caricature, a modern archetype even, but that doesn’t mean it’s inaccurate. It’s a composite, so obviously it’s not going to describe any one of these people that well but don’t pretend you don’t know the type.

The thing is, people use advice that worked for them. So for someone who was kind of always one of these people but just was maybe a little socially awkward or shy as a kid being themselves worked. Maybe they were part of a certain clique or social niche while at school, even one of the ones who pride themselves on being different like the goth kids from southpark. See they think that because they were different in a very shallow way from most of their peers, that they’re similar to the incels and actual social rejects who remained that way into adulthood. The difference of course being that what made them different was fashion, and I’m not using that word to necessarily mean clothing (although of course, oftentimes that was a part of it) but rather something that can be taken off at any time, rather than something fundamental.

Then you have failed normies or alt normies or whatever other of these silly little terms you want to choose, people who can blend in reasonably well but are a little “off” maybe. Think of someone who has always been able to make friends, has had a few relationships, etc. but also has a few “weird” ideas. Of course “bee urself” didn’t work for them, but another little chestnut of advice these people will give is “fake it till you make it”. Again, because it worked for them. They were able to stay composed and appear normal long enough for it to happen naturally, so of course everyone must be capable of that. You know, and on and on it goes for all the various different kinds of people who think they’re helping you by just repeating what worked for them. They obviously don’t really care about you (not that they should care about people on the internet they’ve never even met, but they shouldn’t pretend to either) and are just looking to feel good for “helping” people. I got so sidetracked I completely lost my train of thought..

Right, the thread I was talking about. So in response to this comment, about how his advice might not be universally applicable and in fact might actually only work for quite a small group of people, instead of having a moment of self reflection he decided to double down. They were going back and forth for a while, and as these people always do when slightly pushed back on start calling you things, incel, loser, etc. So much for the whole good samaritan routine. Honestly the fact that they’re so quick to jump to those specific kinds of insults makes me think they’re there really just to feel less pathetic for a little while, and the contempt they really have is revealed in these moments. It doesn’t really matter though, what I’m trying to get to is a particular thing he said at one stage in this whole thing. I don’t remember the exact wording, but essentially it was something like “you’ve never even asked a girl out before, you’ve never even tried, it’s not my advice that’s wrong you’re just a coward”. The reason this particular example of something which as I said in the first paragraph is something people like me are accused of often, is the last part. I’m not going to try and disagree that I’ve never actually tried, because it’s a fair point, but I will disagree that cowardice is the reason. Well, maybe it plays a role, but it’s definitely not the main reason that’s for sure. See, I myself used to agree with that. I have for a very long time seen myself as a coward, but I think over the years there have been a few situations that I would have handled quite differently were I one. With anyone I was willing and able to be honest with, I would have openly referred to myself as a coward maybe even as recently as a year ago.

Which finally takes me to what I actually was intending to talk about when starting this, online dating. See we now have a way of getting into the “dating game” or whatever you want to call it, with the risk or scary part removed. Yes you still might be unsuccessful and be rejected indirectly by having no one “like” or match with you or whatever, but it’s all totally impersonal. The actual genuinely scary, terrifying even, prospect of asking out a girl you barely know or even a total stranger and very possibly getting shot down and/ or humiliated is completely done away with.  By the time you get to any kind of interaction it’s been established there is a mutual attraction between the two of you, and by the time you get to meeting in person you’ve established you get along and have had time to get a little more comfortable around them. I don’t need to explain this, it’s the selling point. I’m just trying to stress what I was saying as much as possible, that we have an example of a way to bypass the scary part.

The thing is though, I’m not on any online dating site/ app. In fact I’d be more likely to cold approach a woman in public like the PUAs do than sign up for online dating. Both are very fucking unlikely of course, I’m not saying cowardice doesn’t play some role, but it’s clearly more than that. I’ve been thinking for a long time about what it could be, but it’s a tricky thing. What I think, is that it’s not so much that I have a problem with the modern idea of “dating”, but rather that there’s something different about the first relationship you have starting somewhere like that. I’m talking about on online dating especially, but also just asking a girl out in person. See the modern idea of “dating”, of serial monogamy if you prefer, is unbelievably cynical. The entire premise is that you will have several failed relationships, it’s not just expected it’s literally a given. Now people who have become cynical can get on just fine in a cynical system, but those of who have yet to lose our idealism not so much.

Now what makes online dating different, other than the safety I already talked about? Unlike other spaces for “dating”, it is explicit about it. Sure you had speed dating events and stuff like that but they’re a novelty, most people go to clubs and bars and places like that. So online dating managed to make the entire thing seem even more contrived, and there is the real issue I think I and presumably some other people like me have. See, the other way people meet as adults is they might ask out a colleague, or someone they share a hobby with. Sure, they still have to ask and that’s a scary prospect especially if you’ve never done it before, but the idea doesn’t feel wrong in the way that “dating” whether it be online or irl does. Going into the world with the express purpose of finding a gf, feels really wrong to me and I can’t explain why and that really bugs me. I think I even may have spoke about this before.

In fact I definitely did, I don’t remember exactly which post but it was not too long ago. I think the phrase I used was it gets under my skin, and it really does. People don’t say “I want to be in a relationship with this particular person” they say “I want a girlfriend” or I want to be in a relationship”. I don’t want to repeat myself if I’ve already talked about this, but it’s something that keeps popping back into my thoughts. Modern dating, the phenomenon that is taken to it’s ultimate conclusion with these shitty dating apps and sites but has existed in some form since the 20s, feels unnatural and of course like I said cynical. Even the example of the more naturally occurring relationships have that cynicism, the culture at large unfortunately also asserts this idea of the inevitable failed relationships for all, but that’s just the way of the world I suppose.

I also was about to go in a different direction there, so I’m going to go back a bit and do that. See the idea of being part of that whole cynical world might seem bad enough, but for that to be your first experience of romance is even worse. Most people’s first experiences, their first relationships, happen in their youth. Of course, these fall into the natural side of this dichotomy I seem to have set up here today. Kids and young teens can’t go to clubs and bars and they’re surrounded by each other all day because of school so they just do what they’re designed to do naturally. Most of them anyway, and those who don’t never seem to be able to get over it. Young love is almost universally seen as something special, it’s held up as this fantastic experience that can’t ever be replicated later in life. Nothing lives up to your first they always say, it’s the rite of passage for our current age. To know that you will never experience this is really fucking hard to accept. To know that the options might very well be either remain alone or join in with the bitter charade of modern dating is never going to go away. Especially because I can think of a few times where I got rather close, in fact there’s one particular memory that might stay with me until my dying day where I was literally only a few words away. I know from my time talking with similar people that a lot of them have similar memories.

There’s this film, Whatever, which is based on a book of the same name by Michel Houellebecq. I haven’t read the book, or any others of his although I’ve been told I should. In fact I was recommended some of his books by the girl I was talking about in my last post. Anyway there’s this scene in the film which is set in a nightclub, you can find it on youtube really easily if you’re interested, and one of the two characters (an older man, speaking to the other main character who is basically an incel) gives a short speech talking about the same exact thing. Of course it’s put much more poetically than in this post, and it’s a good film, so that’s why I’m mentioning it. Think of it like a wound, or more accurately just a hole, and after a certain point there’s nothing that can be done to heal it.

Think about the PUAs, people always say they’re trying to compensate for something or they’re broken in some way, all these platitudes without ever really saying what it is. I think it’s this, I mean I like to go on about modern archetypes and the PUA who was a loser/ really unsuccessful with girls in his youth is a huge one. Maybe it’d be more accurate to call it a trope even. More importantly though, are the audience for this kind of thing. Because the pick up artist community, is essentially maybe at most a few hundred men selling some kind of variation of the same scheme to millions. These few hundred, are in many cases an example of this late bloomer trope. Now the lesser known faces, the guys who just pay for the online courses or go to conferences of whatever these people do and then go out into the world to “pick up”, they’re who I’m really talking about. See, what they’re paying for and what “pick up artistry” is when you really think about it, is a revenge fantasy.

By calling it a fantasy I’m not saying it’s unrealistic, I’m reminded in particular of this one short video by one of these guys I saw a long time ago when I would occasionally listen to these people. I don’t remember exactly which one, and they all look and talk and dress the same anyway, but it was a video by this famous PUA talking about why you should cold approach. Now maybe I’m too trusting because anyone can go on the internet and tell lies, but for some reason I actually do believe that a lot of these men are telling the truth about the level of “success” they have with women. I mean sure I expect they’re embellishing somewhat but I don’t doubt that they’ve had lots of hook ups with very pretty girls. So anyway quick summary, the guy described himself (rather short, average looks, high pitched voice, etc) and said that he has been with various models and actresses and “10s” and YOU CAN TOO IF YOU FOLLOW THESE FIVE SIMPLE STEPS! I’m half joking, but no he was trying to sell his course or something anyway I’m sure.

There was one insight I got from this though, see he said that before you got to that point you had to get rejected a lot. This isn’t unusual, they all say this, but maybe this is a trend with me I’ll have to hear something many times before I notice it. What stood out to me, that for whatever reason hadn’t the other times I heard this, is that it’s exactly like a certain rather common cult practice. See in order to become the “new you”, you need to break down everything about who you currently are. You need to lose every aspect of your current identity, like I said you need to be completely broken down and humiliated, in order for something new to be built in it’s place. So, you can either force yourself through the gauntlet of rejection until your pride is completely smashed or you can refuse to take part and not lose who you are. I always like to bring these full circle, so often the conclusion these accusers make is that if you never made the effort that means that you’re not actually an incel, you’re a volcel. I’m not sure because I’d be happy to have a relationship if it were to occur naturally in the way I was talking about earlier, even if it’ll never be the same as what could have been, but if that’s not an option then I guess you can call me volcel.