Before
Tomorrow, Saturday the 3rd, I’m going to take four Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds (Argyreia nervosa) and I plan to write a “trip report” to document the experience. That is assuming anything of note actually happens of course, there’s reports I’ve read online that these seeds don’t actually have much or any effect on you. Now for every story like that I’ve probably read ten which describe vivid hallucinatory experiences and these seeds absolutely do contain a genuine naturally occurring psychedelic (LSA), but it’s possible there are duds or fakes going around. Now because I bought these online and not at the local garden centre I am a little concerned I got some of these, but hopefully they’ll turn out to be the real deal.
See that’s the amazing thing, these seeds are still legal even here in England, not just to possess for personal use but to openly buy and sell. No different than a bottle of whisky or a jar of ground coffee. You can go to a garden centre or a garden supplies store and they’ll probably sell them. I don’t know why but for some reason they aren’t covered by the almost blanket ban on psychoactive substances that was passed in 2016. Now if I were to try and perform an extraction and separate the LSA from the rest of the seed matter, that LSA would be illegal to own. I’m not sure I’m comfortable messing around with lighter fluid though, so I’ll just take the seeds straight (or probably ground up, and mixed with a milkshake) and push through the stomach pains and nausea that come when you use this method.
Now LSA is an interesting drug, it’s a component that is used in the production of LSD (which I’m sure everyone has heard of before) and in fact Albert Hoffman, the first man to synthesise LSD, was supposedly inspired by an experience with LSA extracted from the fungus called Ergot which also contains it. Now how true is this story? I don’t know, it could be completely made up but someone said it in a youtube video and it’d be cool if it were true. What is true is that he definitely took LSD, he was the first man to do so, and he considered that to be a profound and insightful experience. He was supposedly surprised when a couple of decades later in the 60s it had become widely used as a recreational substance as after taking it he foresaw it becoming a sort of therapy-aid. In the long run I guess he was vindicated at least, as that seems to be the direction that psychedelics seem to be taking generally speaking.
Now the effects are supposedly fairly similar to LSD, although it’s hard to figure out exactly as individual LSD trips even at similar doses can vary quite wildly, but generally the visual/ hallucinogenic element seems to be much less prominent in an LSA trip compared to an LSD trip. This is especially true at lower doses, higher doses of either will lead to some pretty crazy visuals of course but a low to medium dose of LSA will be more thoughtful and introspective than visually impressive. Which is perfectly fine with me, as cool as the funny shapes and colours may be they’re not what I’m really doing this for.
I’m taking a low dose this first time, I have 50 of these seeds in total so the option is there for higher doses in future, as I’m alone and have very little psychedelic experience. I’ll try writing my thoughts down and describing what happens as it’s taking place, but if I’m unable to concentrate or what I write ends up being completely incomprehensible I probably won’t include it. The ideal post though will have a before, during and after section. A lot of “trip reports” I read only seem to be a document of what happened written after the fact, but from what I’ve learned from reading and watching things on the subject your mindset going in to a psychedelic experience is very important. So I want to have that included in the post, and so I’ll do that now.
I’m not feeling very good this evening if I’m being honest, I had a pretty shitty day. Not an especially bad day, nothing bad actually happened to me, but nothing good happened either. Nothing really happened at all, my dad is away at the moment so I’m doing everything at home and so I did all the cleaning and washing before heading to work this morning. None of the interactions with my co-workers went very well either, which again is normal but still gets to me a little every time. Nothing particularly bad happened, I just felt like in every interaction the other person was uncomfortable. The thing is I just don’t understand it, I’ve now had several interactions with all of these people that didn’t go like that. I’ve been chatty and friendly and didn’t get any of those kind of vibes from each one of them on multiple occasions each so I don’t understand why I still do on other days.
It always feels particularly shitty when every single interaction in a given day goes this way though, like it did today. I suppose the first interaction with the deputy manager right at the start of the day was fine, I’ve never mentioned this particular co-worker before but she started a few months after I did and is always really friendly. She’s probably the nicest person there actually, and she definitely has a strong “sweet/ naïve young girl” aura about her but who knows how accurate that actually is. Later though we had to speak back and forth for a while over text about some stuff to do with the shop and while at first she was her usual warm/ amicable self her last message seemed uncharacteristically curt. At the time and until writing about it I felt like it might be because I was being “too friendly” and she was creeped out or trying to subtly tell me not to get any ideas (which I’m not for the record, not that she isn’t pretty and a pleasant person to be around but I think I’m immunised against oneitis at this point and she has a boyfriend).
Thinking about it now though it was probably not intentional at all, I don’t think I even cross this person’s mind at all when we’re not together at work (the same goes for all of my co-workers I’m sure) and that she’d even think that would be necessary. The response was too quick as well for any kind of deliberate subtext like that to have been considered now I think about it. I’m just incredibly insecure, so I obsess over these stupid things. That is something I’m hoping psychedelics can help with actually. Although frankly just writing these last couple paragraphs has made me feel a lot better, that and listening to Deathconsciousness with the volume really high as it got dark earlier this evening. The insecurity spike I’ve been experiencing since early this afternoon seems to have finally steadied.
I know it may seem like such a small concern, but most interactions I’ve had (and I really mean most, the overwhelming majority) in the last decade have been awkward or uncomfortable like today’s ones and it really does wear you down after a while. See after long enough every time it happens again you’re reminded of all the other times and how long it’s been this way. It feels more and more like it’ll never be any other way. I’m not sure what to expect tomorrow, I don’t think that psychedelics are going to be this mental panacea that a lot of people make them out to be if I’m being honest. I’m pretty sceptical about the whole thing, but I’ve got to try because I don’t really have any other options left. I’m going to make some chamomile tea, and read for a little while before going to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be beneficial in some way.
After
Well I hate to say it but my concerns were well founded it seems, as I have experienced no effects whatsoever. Now I considered simply deleting this post, but I have instead decided to keep it anyway. There are going to be some set backs along the way, and it’ll be good to have a record of them. It’s also been a good week almost since my last upload and while I have been writing up another post over the last week it’s a long one (3000 words already and I’m not close to finishing) and will take a while to finish. I’ve noticed as well that there have actually been quite a few visitors over the last few days so clearly you want some kind of update and so I can finish this up tonight and give you that.
Now luckily I have a back up plan already in place, there is another kind of seed which contains the same substance as the HWBR seeds, Morning Glory seeds, and I did also buy a packet of those some months back. They seem actually to be more reliable, I can’t find any stories of these ones having no effect like I can with HWBR. The only reason I chose the HWBR was because you only have to take a few whereas the LSA content in Morning Glory seeds is far lower. I will have to take about 100 to 150, I’m erring towards taking the larger amount after today’s experience but I’ll decide tomorrow afternoon when I take them. This means that, assuming they aren’t also duds or something, the nausea will probably be pretty bad.
I’m not really sure what to do with myself now, it’s not like I usually have plans but I deliberately kept the day as free as possible today for obvious reasons and it’s been pretty boring. I tried reading, I tried writing some more on that other post I’m working on, but I just couldn’t stay focused as I was still nervous because of the anticipation at first and after that pissed off that I was sold dud seeds. I got a lot of cleaning done at least, the flat hasn’t looked this nice in years, but now I’ve got a whole evening with nothing to do at all. I’m considering going for a /nightwalk/, the last one I went on was a pretty miserable experience but that was almost a year ago and I used to do it all the time. Seeing all the happy normalfags out enjoying their Saturday night might make me feel even worse than I do now though, so maybe it’s best to stay home.
Ramblings of a neurotic mess 