Another band who’s music I quite enjoy is Radiohead, in fact I first started listening to them after that night with my friend which I mentioned before where we started to speak more regularly again. Like I said we were just playing each other what stuff we’d been listening to and he put on Daydreaming at some point (a song from their most recent album which had just come out) and it made me give them a second try which I’m really glad about. See I was aware of them before that but I’d kinda just written them off as another generic 90s alt-rock group. This friend of mine had been a fan since the time we were 14/15 and we were both into similar stuff like that (Nirvana, Meat Puppets, etc) but I’d just found the Creep/ The Bends era Radiohead which was all I knew them for not my thing. So after hearing that track I ended up exploring the stuff they made after those first two albums and had a great time, in fact I even have come to appreciate The Bends a bit more as you can hear the early stages of their evolution in that record.
That’s what I’m going to talk about briefly, a song on that album called My Iron Lung. So of course almost everyone has heard the song Creep which was the lead single for Pablo Honey their debut album, and the overnight success of that single in the US made international stars out of the band. My Iron Lung is a song about that song, and about the effect it had on their lives. In one sense it was incredibly liberating, they were able to become full time musicians and easily make a living performing and yet it also kind of kept them in a creative box. Their record label of course was pushing them to manufacture another hit just like it and the screaming fans at performances seemed to want to hear nothing else. It almost certainly would have been very constricting, but yet they were “living the dream” in a way as well so it’s not something you want to complain about without appearing totally obnoxious. See the song is named after an old mechanical respiratory device which from what I understand is a sort of metal coffin you lie in and it allows you to remain alive after losing muscle control in your throat and chest, but you can’t leave. The machine saves your life while also taking away your freedom completely. I’m sure you can see the point they were trying to make, and it’s a really great way I think of expressing their feelings without seeming ungrateful. It’s this metaphor I’m really here to talk about today, not actually the band or even the specific song. Sure I’m doing that series on The Cure but generally speaking this isn’t a music blog and that’s not something I’d want to do or be capable of doing well.
Anyway I think I have a situation that is somewhat similar in spirit to the one that inspired My Iron Lung, and for a long time I was also unsure how to bring it up or talk about it for fear of seeming ungrateful. When me and my mother moved to the current place I live, she decided to agree to a shared ownership program. Essentially they’re a scheme wherein you purchase part of a property outright (in this case 40%) and then rent the rest with the option to buy more in future if you wish. So in late 2006 when we moved here that was probably a fantastic option, instead of buying a place outright that wasn’t as nice we got to live here and still have some savings left over as well as the at the time likely seeming option of buying the place completely one day. After she passed away I inherited the 40% of the flat (apartment), and of course people were quick to tell me how lucky I am to be on the property ladder at such a young age. This city is one of the most expensive places to live in the world and the value of the property has gone up significantly since I moved here, also I only have to pay rent for 60% which is a lot easier to manage. I am very fortunate I understand that, but just like the iron lung I am restricted also. In the most literal sense, I can’t ever really leave for more than a month or so because how will I pay the rent. I can’t just not pay and get kicked out like someone just renting normally because I’d lose the place. There are still rules that the housing association who own the other 60% make me stick to you see, and they can take it all away. This includes letting it out to other people, so it has to be me living here and paying the rent. I can’t just Airbnb it or something like that like some people do with their home when going on long trips away. Going back to the increase in the value, as well as the fact that I am earning of course far less as a 21 year old drop out than my mother was in her 40s and in a long term career, the idea of me ever buying the other 60% is laughable now. Right now I pay for all the food, and some of the rent while my dad pays the rest with his goverment gibsmedats. He hasn’t worked once since moving in with me, but before when I was still in education the benefits were enough to cover all the rent and food. I find it beyond humiliating having to survive on government handouts at all though, and if I were here alone I could afford to get by without them.
I don’t have much I want in life, but I do want to travel. I know it’s the most normie thing ever, you can just picture the legions of Eat Pray Love whores when anyone mentions how they’d just love to go travelling and see the world/ experience new cultures etc. but there are some places and things I’ve wanted to see since a young age and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still. I could talk about that some more in another post perhaps, but the thing is it just seems quite unlikely. I have this admittedly unrealistic idea of a several months long trip covering the various places I’m most interested in visiting, but that’s basically impossible with my current living situation. It’s not a huge deal, the idea is kind of a pipe dream anyway, but it’s a good example of how this somewhat peculiar arrangement I find myself in restricts me. Of course I also would need to get my two friends to somehow agree to and find the time for such a trip, which seems very unlikely. I’m not sure what I’m doing, I felt like there would be more to talk about on this subject but I realise now how boring this all is. I’m just not sure what to write, but I want to try and stick to having a couple new entries a week and I did think this was something that was kind of important about my life but I see now it can pretty much be summed up in a couple paragraphs. It’s also been on my mind lately, because the idea of my dad leaving and me being here completely in charge of everything is becoming more and more real.
I suppose I said I was going to treat this blog like a diary/journal in part, so I guess this’ll be just a general entry. So what else has happened lately? I finished Space Dandy, which was a great show especially the last few episodes. I’ve started listening to the History of Rome podcast, I got about 100 episodes in just over a year ago but gave up. Listening to it at work in the quieter hours is pretty comfy, and even though I’ve heard all the stuff so far before I’m still enjoying it probably more so than last time. I ordered some spores and a grow kit in order to grow psilocybin mushrooms, and that arrived yesterday. Supposedly in a week or so the mycelium will be ready and I can start the main process, maybe when it’s all done and if I’m able to successfully complete the process I’ll do a whole post on that. See I’m trying to think of ideas now because I want to keep posting regularly, but I’m just not that interesting so I’m not sure what to do. I could slow down and maybe just have one scheduled entry a week, and if for whatever reason inspiration hits me occasionally more. I just don’t want to suddenly go from two or three a week to a huge gap, and lose the few of you who read these regularly. I know some days from the stats page that people will visit and see nothing new and eventually that’s going to get tiresome. I’ve been thinking the last few days and I really think that my second most recent post “Living up to my shitty blog title” is the best thing I’ve uploaded on here so far but the fevered mental state that inspired it isn’t something I go through that often. I think that a general rule of one post at the minimum a week is something I can hold myself to, I hope this isn’t disappointing. At least that way there’ll be more of that and less of the crappy ones like today. Is there anything else, I can talk about..? Music I guess, what I’ve been listening to lately. I really liked the album Tears Of Mortal Solitude by Forest Stream which was like gothic/ black metal, I’ll definitely give it another go and try their other album. Also I’ve been listening to Dead Meadow’s self titled debut a lot, which is really good. I actually first heard of them because a customer recommended I give them a try, and I really appreciate it. I listened to the rest of the Cure albums that I haven’t covered in my series yet as well, as a reminder. Disintegration is as fantastic as I remember, and Wild Mood Swings is actually growing on me surprisingly. I was recommended by the spotify algorithm this post punk band called All Your Sisters and both their records that are on there have been in my regular rotation while walking to and from work the last few weeks, they remind me of The Soft Moon who you should definitely listen to if you’re into that kind of thing. Speaking of Radiohead as well, Amnesiac is quickly becoming my favourite album of theirs which is funny because for a long while I really didn’t enjoy it. People say Kid A is a very wintery album, and I think Amnesiac in contrast has a very autumnal feel which might be why I’m enjoying it so much lately.
Ramblings of a neurotic mess 